The Mex Files

OK, so I like to go off on historical riffs sometimes.  Yesterday, I wrote about a contract between Mexico City and a Chinese telecom company.  Some guy from Maryland left a comment on the “digg.com” spot complaining that the story DID NOT deal with financial inequality in Mexico or with immigration to the United States. Sorry, but not everything in Mexico somehow relates to some concern of some guy somewhere in the U.S. 

When I replied to that effect, and questioned what immigration had to do with WiFi, he started complaining that my article went off on that historical riff on Vasco de Quiroga.  Fair enough, but then, what would a riff on immigration have to do with it. 

Ah well, I can’t make everyone happy.  And, sorry, but the Mex Files doesn’t just confirm pre-existing prejudices, or make claims based on nothing (the guy insisted Mexico doesn’t have indoor toilets.  I’ve actually shit… many, many times… in Mexican indoor bathrooms.  And showered in them, and used some very, very, very high-tech bathrooms too.  OOPS… there I go again).

Besides, if you want bullshit, and irrelevency, that’s what the wire services are for (not fair, but c’mon… every time you read an article from Mexico, somehow they manage to mention either drugs or immigration.  Unless you’re talking about Canadian papers, in which case they mention dead Canucks).

And… what my correspondent thought was REAL Mexico was the report on a monkey escaping from a zoo and biting a woman on a bus. 

Which may — or may not — be factually accurate. 

Was it a spider monkey (as reported by the AP) or a kinkajou (as other reports have it) ?  Or maybe it was a plain old comandreja (cotamundi), which is a fairly common pet

Kinkajous are nocturnal, and I can’t see one getting on a bus… or was it a mini-bus?  The foreign reports aren’t clear on the story of the “monkey escapes from zoo, bites woman on bus” story making the rounds this morning. 

The story says the critter curled up with the driver.  That sounds more like a coati to me… but who knows.  Kinajous don’t like to be disturbed when they’re sleeping and get a might testy.  Coatis are social animals, active during the day, but don’t react well to authority. 

And neither of them look much like spider monkeys.  I don’t think the AP reporter (or anyone else) even bothered to ask. 

And, now for the historical riff:

It’s not as good as the great 1954 Santa Maria de la Ribera elephant stampede… when Ringling Brothers elephants, transferring trains at Buenavista Station — and tired of working for peanuts — liberated themselves.  They managed to take out a few cars, and stomped on the PRI’s press secretary (probably the only political figure in the history of the Americas killed by an elephant), a few cars and trucks and tore up the Parque Popular at the corner of Jaime Torres Bodet and San Cosme before they were surrounded.  Leader Judy refused to surrender, and after taking out a police car, was machine gunned to death. 

It was hard to cover up the police shooting, even in 1954 Mexico.  Judy was dragged off by a tow truck and fed to the lions at the Chapultepec Park. 

Anyway… I heard this story yesterday.  My post about WiFi was picked up by some guy in Maryland, who complained I didn’t mention economic inequity in Mexico, or deal with U.S. immigration when I was talking about a contract with a Chinese wireless company. 

Back to the main point… 

I suppose I could stick to “bad Mexicans — drugs, poverty and immigrants”, but what would be the point?  The AP and other wire services all write the same old shit every time they write anything, and… when they have a weird story (like the escaped … whatever… riding a bus… or van … or whatever)  aren’t sure how to deal with it. 

I try to write — at least once in a while — about Mexico as a normal country.  OK, it’s not, but it’s weirdness is not necessarily always OUR weirdness. 

Geeze, I’d hate to lose a reader, but folks who just want confirmation of their prejudices are better off elsewhere. Besides, I don’t think that guy from Maryland ever gave me a dime (or a peso, for that matter):

No, we haven’t become the Mexican afflilate of Animal Planet this week! In honor of the U.S. elections, we’re covering elephants and donkeys here at the Mex Files!

The late Ann Richards said Texas was the kind of place where we don’t hide our crazy people in the attic… we give them the best seat in the parlor. Texans are proud of their crazy people (take a look at the Republic of Texas’ founding fathers some time!) and it’s a little embarrasing to get a foreign import (from, as Juanita would say, “one of them foreign states up north”) who out-crazies the natives.

Sara Inés Calderón of the Brownsville Herald had the happy experience of stumbling on just such a treasure. As I wrote yesterday, she’s the one who broke the story of the elephant invasion across the Rio Grande. This afternoon — for perfectly legimate reasons (I’m contracted to do 1500 words on the effects of border security measures on my stretch of the river) — I called Calderón. Of course I had to congratulate her on finding such a treasure, but what’s more important, is she’s found the story is even nuttier than we thought.

October 11, 2006 — Reports of an elephant crossing the river or people trying to smuggle an elephant across were rampant Tuesday while an elaborate political stunt was taking shape near the mouth of the Rio Grande.It was a while later that the stunt, which was a photo shoot, was abruptly met by federal agents.“The elephant never made landfall into Mexico, but I tell you something, he could have made 15 laps back and forth, but no one showed up,” said Raj Peter Bhakta, a former star on the NBC show “The Apprentice,” who also is a Republican candidate for the 13th District U.S. House of Representatives seat in Eastern Pennsylvania.

Bhakta decided to see if he could get an elephant accompanied by a six-piece mariachi band across the river.

According to his Web site, he is in favor of “sensible immigration reform” and supports a border fence, local law enforcement assistance with immigration laws and the use of the National Guard troops to help the U.S. Border Patrol.

“To my surprise, the band played on, the elephants splashed away, and nobody showed up,” Bhakta said of the stunt. “I’m astounded.”

The elephants came from Shrine Circuses, said James Plunkett, who produces the circus.
…

Plunkett said he and his crew were hired for a “photo shoot” and entered the Boca Chica beach area without any notice from the Border Patrol. However, when it became clear that the elephants were in a quarantined area, the Border Patrol alerted the U.S. Department of Agriculture, and the elephants had to be detained.

…
[Bhakta] said he was “staggered” by what happened on Tuesday and was planning on sharing the story with his potential constituents.

“If I can get an elephant led by a mariachi band into this country, I think Osama bin Laden could get across with all the weapons of mass destruction he could get into this country,” Bhakta said.

The mariachi band was not immediately available for comment.

The Philadelphia-area congress-wannabe (it’s a safe-seat Democratic district) has been having to share all kinds of things with his constituents… like two drunk driving convictions he somehow neglected to mention, and producing inaccurate campaign literature.

OK, it wasn’t quite relevant to what I’m doing on security in the Big Bend, but I was fascinated by Raj’s assertion that Osama bin Ladin could have crossed the border… especially since I telephoned him (215-628-4005) and he claimed the elephants had never been in Mexico. Calderón notes that the river isn’t very wide — or very deep — at Browsnville-Matamoros, and elephants are very wide. They may have been IN Mexico… illegally, as has happened before, much to the consternation of the U.S. Fish and Wildelife Service. Not to mention animal rights people, and even anti-immigration groups like “Ranch Rescue” which tell the story of Benny, smuggled into Mexico from Texas back in 2001 — resulting in a customs inspectors on both sides of the border losing their jobs.

And, no word on whether the mariachis were U.S. citizens… now that would be a good scandal! [The Brownsville Herald October 12 editorial mentions that the folks involved in this stunt ran from the "tick watchers" who nabbed 'em, making it a definite maybe]

So, the elephants were never in Mexico, but apparently Raj was.

…at least one of them was taken in as an undocumented immigrant. Bhakta, who was born in India, is a legal U.S. resident but didn’t have his papers. Customs and Border Protection officials reportedly detained him for four hours before proof of legal U.S. residency could be ascertained.

Says Raj on immigration: (http://www.rajforcongress.com/)

I am a first generation American. My father was born in India and my mother was born in Ireland. We would not be the country we are today had immigrants not paved the way. We do, however, need sensible immigration reform. I support additional funding for border enforcement as well as efforts to attract the best and the brightest from around the world.

.

The best and brightest… mariachi players? Elephant handlers? P.R. flacks?

Last week it was a crocodile (a comedian said you can expect Mexican leather dealers on the streets of Laredo any day now) .. now it’s:

Elephants storm the Rio Grande

By Sara Inés Calderón

The Brownsville Herald

Three elephants were reportedly splashing in the Rio Grande today near Boca Chica beach, prompting reports that someone was crossing into the United States from Mexico on an elephant.

The elephants were part of a photo shoot, according to James Plunkett who was tending to the elephants.

On their way back to Brownsville from the shoot, the trainers and the elephants were detained at the U.S. Border Patrol checkpoint on Highway 4. The elephants were transported to the U.S. Department of Agriculture office on FM 511 where the animals were quarantined, officials said.